BLOWING THE WHISTLE ON THE DANGEROUS CULT OF HYPERIANISM
FROM THE CITIZEN JOURNALISTS OF THE AC
RJ highlighted a key number with profound cosmological significance … the Janbar number.
RJ wrote, “The Janbar number: The number of candy bars Fat Jan can cram into their mouth at once without choking.”
This is an extraordinarily high number! So high that Nobel physicists have not yet been unable to calculate it. Even estimates have proved impossible at this time, given Fat Jan’s voracious appetites.
A prophecy says that should the Janbar Number ever be exceeded, existence itself would collapse. Jan’s candy bar appetite keeps the whole show on the road.
The Janbar Number is closely related to pi. Some people are still baffled by the ancient question of “Who ate all the pies?” Those with the eyes to see and ears to hear know it was Jan!
Jan is the ontological carrier of key physical numbers such as the number of guns one can have in one’s arsenal without getting reported to the FBI, or the number of tarantulas and rattlesnakes one can keep without being arrested, or the precise frequency for performing dolphin whispering (a secret only Fat Jan knows).
A great shift in the cosmos has been occurring because Jan doesn’t know if she is non-binary or trans and says she is both non-binary and trans. How can you be both? Is this like one hand clapping, or trees falling in the forest with no one around to hear? It’s a conundrum that the greatest sages cannot fathom. Reality has been undermined so much that Mark Wonderpoop has morphed into Woke Vanderduck or even Woke Vanderfuck. Some have even suggested Woke Fuck a duck. Well, anything is possible in Hyperianism!
In Orwell’s dystopian novel Nineteen Eighty-Four, the protagonist was tortured until he agreed that “two plus two equals five”. Hyperians have to be tortured to make them say that 2 + 2 = 4, something wholly bewildering to them.
Hyperianism continues to pointlessly lurch forward – the supreme zombie – solely because THAT’S WHAT CULTS DO. Cults never end by voluntary action. They always have to be forced to end, usually through the death of the leader, or his imprisonment, or his being engulfed in a scandal from which there’s no coming back. The chances of Corey Rebhahn using reason and logic to grasp that his Hyperian cult is functionally over are nil. So we all go on with this farce until the FBI finally wakes up and does the job they are paid to by the hardworking taxpayers.
Tick, tock.
DELETE HYPERIANISM