The New Nightmare

So, how’s this for a nightmare – Hyperian Hostel! Do you remember that torture-porn horror movie?

Here’s how our remake goes. Sanja Jan invites you to some deeply scary and unspecified Eastern European country where she promises you a Woke paradise and guarantees to transform your life using her amazing Woke wisdom (totally not bullshit, she promises!). She operates that hostel that features in the movie – it looks great, until you find out what’s really going on! If you turn your back for a moment, you get grabbed by life transformation coaches who transform your life … by killing you! As sadistically as possible.

When you first arrive at the hostel, you meet all these bizarre La La people, all smiling relentlessly and playing the Woke Stepford Wives game. All of them are inauthentic and living in bad faith but imagine they are hyperaware World Shapers. They wear a BDSM badge, but they say it actually represents the “triadic perspective” of:

1. Bullshit
2. Total Bullshit
3. Absolute Bullshit.

When you achieve Woke deification, you see nothing but shit! Corey Rebhahn has already reached the state of maximum shitification, where it’s now impossible for him to talk any more shit. His shit is maxed out and cannot get any shittier. He has reached PEAK SHIT, the holiest state of the Woke, where they can actually reach transcendental states by inhaling their own farts. Just look at Mark Wonderpoop. He is about to take off with all that farty gas inside him! He will be the Eighth Wonder(Poop) of the world. Is the Wonderpoop the quintessence of insufferable Woke smugness, and total blindness to reality?

In Woke World, nothing is as highly prized as premium grade bullshit and horsepiss. That’s what Rebhahn drinks in those unfeasibly large glasses – you know those vile shakes he has to take to stop his vegan body mass falling by 99%, reducing him to pure fart? Can’t he and Fat Jan work out a healthy diet between them? Sheez!

So, you walk around – bewildered – in an unspecified part of Eastern Europe where Sanja Jan dispenses TRANSFORMATION. We’re sort of thinking that maybe we’re in Transylvania. At any rate, the road signs all show blood dripping from fangs, and a government notice to “STOP THE SLAUGHTER: GO VEGAN”. With a curious footnote saying, “Transitional veganism strictly forbidden.”

In this strangest of places, weirdos and freaks are everywhere. Not a single normal person is to be found. This, you are told, is NEW TERRA. It has its own God. The worshipers refer to a deity known only as “COREY”. However, on Shadow Days, he is called Morgue, Morgen Night, the Night Bringer, and the Terror of Men. But you must absolutely never refer to the Terrors of Men stuff, or you must describe it as harmless gothic “art” and ignore all the talk of sluts and strangling bitches and stabbing people with steak knives, rejecting pity, and despising all normal people, and so on.

You suddenly realize that this is Halloween and the peak of SHADOW SEASON, when all the weirdos get seriously freaky (well, even more so than their normal abnormality). You find yourself surrounded by very fat androgynous people, stuffing their faces, drinking loads of beers, vaping like crazy, and livestreaming as they stagger around looking for a clue. In the land of the clueless, the person with half a clue is king. But where to find a fraction of a clue? Hmmm – maybe steal the work of others, right?! But they then cluelessly misinterpret it and misrepresent it. The Dunning-Kruger effect is of course ubiquitous in New Terra (Woke World). > > Anyway, the Woke Mob surround you and start pushing you towards a large, black former slaughterhouse (before being turned into a Vegan Art Center where those suffering from RTS can “chillax”).

They shove you in, and slam the door. Somehow, you intuit that here you do not in fact recover from RTS: instead, it is inflicted on you!

It’s so dark. It takes your eyes seconds to adjust. Then you realize someone is standing in front of you.

A low light comes on and you see a bizarre hairless person standing directly ahead of you, wearing very strange lederhosen and braces, and nothing else. You gasp. Now you know you’re in real trouble. The creature standing in front of you isn’t the Yeti, or Bigfoot. It’s none other than the semi-mythical Buffalo Phil aka Necrophil, and those weird lederhosen are the notorious NECROPANTS that all serial killers aspire to, and worship. Serial killers with Necropants are 500% more effective than those without.

Fuck, you’re in deep shit! You know what’s coming next, and your dread has become total. Sure enough, Buffalo Phil starts intoning the opening words of his W.H.O.L.E course. Instantly, you beg for mercy. But none is forthcoming. You collapse into a seat, and Necrophil puts restraints on you to lock you in. He taunts you with tales of three-ways with his mom watching, and going in search of abortive Grindr hookups, and obsessively searching for FTM stimulation. You can’t bear it. You’re losing all hope. You know you will never get out alive.

Just when you think things can’t get any worse, a second person enters the room. Noooooo! It’s Fat Jan, preceded by a huge vaping cloud. Oh my God, you’re in total peril now. She’s got an AR-15 in one hand, and a cage full of rattlesnakes and tarantulas in the other. What did you do to deserve this? HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE (HYPERIAN PEOPLE).

Mother of Mercy, there is still worse to come. Fat Jan intends to subject you to one of her deadstreams where she rants like a crazy person and projects her insanity onto everyone else.

You know that only one thing could make your predicament any worse – the arrival of Breeder Susan, the Bitchell herself, the Mad Mother with no children, here to impose Woke World on everyone, whether you like it or not. You’re in maximum trouble now.

You feel a presence behind you. You try to turn your head to have a look at what fresh horror has come forth, but you’re strapped in and can barely move. However, you know you’re in the unmistakable presence of the ANTI-PRESENCE, the Invisible Man himself – Jewel Marsh the Turd. FUCK, FUCK. FUCK. Your survival chances are almost nil.

You wonder if anything could make your plight worse and that’s when you catch sight of Mark Wonderpoop joining the gang. Are you going to be wonderooped to death with all his unbearable Woke sophistry? Nooooo!!!!! Humans can only take so much torture. You think you’re about to black out. > > The final madness, the terminal horror must be near – the PSYCHOPATH itself! Sure enough, in it comes with its longest Albino hair, its eyebrows totally absent, and wearing its longest black dress and sparkliest high heels. Nooooooooooooo – the Plagiarist in Chief has arrived!!!!!

No Way Out. It will bore you to death with its deadstreams that have turned hundreds of Hyperians into actual zombies. The Zombie Apocalypse is here – it’s Hyperianism!

You prepare yourself for death – it will be a mercy! – but that’s when the door gets kicked down and Eastern European police pour in.

You grasp immediately what has happened – they have been sent by the FBI to arrest the Corey gang for the shocking felony of lying to the FBI.

You’re saved! The Hyperian nightmare is finally over. New Terra – Shit World – has fallen. Humanity will survive.

Ezio Creed said, “The Spartan weapon of choice during battle was short in length. Why? This is because the Spartans liked to be up close and personal with their enemies. There’s a tale of a Spartan boy who complained his sword was too short. His mother replied, ‘add a step forward to it.’ … ‘O my brothers, am I then cruel? But I say: that which is falling should also be pushed!’ — Nietzsche”

Thank fuck. Sanity at last!

Can we have a battle between the Spartans and the Woke, please?!

So, tonight is another Rebhahn deadstream. Watch once again a total psychopath in action, not displaying a shred of remorse for what he has done.

DELETE HYPERIANISM!