The Real Freakshow

 

Artemis Maenad said, “The Hyperian situation already draws so many parallels to other very popular television shows and compelling fiction books. The cast of characters are screenwriting gold.”

 

This is so true. You could literally make an award-winning comedy out of the most prominent Hyperians.

 

Let’s just run through them, the ghastly crew of misfits:

 

Corey Rebhahn – son of an Orange County cop – is also MORGUE, MORGEN NIGHT, THE NIGHTBRINGER, THE TERROR OF MEN, but is also a non-binary man in a dress, a vegan, a pacifist, a sword swallowing regurgitator who lies on beds of nails, suffering from the factitious “religious trauma syndrome”. Oh, and he’s also the Woke Messiah running a cult and grifting constantly from hundreds of adoring suckers, mostly weird women in a witches’ coven.

 

Allie Torgensen – non-binary/trans – aka Fat Jan, Jan the Fat Man, Fatso Jan, Jan in desperate pursuit of Cassie, with access to an arsenal of guns, an expert at unarmed combat (allegedly), loads of friends in the local police force (who knew?), ex squeeze of Morgue the Terror of Men, loves eating, vaping, beering, and has pet tarantulas and rattlesnakes. Used to be a bad singer and is now an ever-worse deadstreamer, pointlessly talking three times a week to around thirty people who are clinically dead (no brainwave activity can be detected!)

 

Susan Mitchell, the Breeder (she has an unquenchable breeding fantasy), aka Susan Bitchell, the Mad Bitch – totally delusional animus-possessed woman who, hilariously, thinks she’s really smart and is saving the world! Regards anyone who gets in her way as non-human. Is unsuccessfully experimenting with the blackest hair dye known to the universe, extracted from the super black hole at the center of the Milky Way. This person has absolutely no clue how boring she is. Everything she says is trite and pointless. She’s the one who trawls through our books on Rebhahn’s behalf to find quotes to weaponize against us. What an utterly pointless cretin.

 

Phillip Shope – Grindr fuck-up man – aka Buffalo Phil, Norman Bates, Necrophil, the man with the mania for necropants and three-ways with his work colleagues, but without his mom finding out (he works with his mom!). Mercilessly tortures people with his W.H.O.L.E. course.

 

Jewel Marsh III aka Jewel Marsh the Turd, Marsh Gas, the Invisible Man, the man with no presence. He’s like a kind of ghost, or energy vampire. Talks as if he has something in his mouth – a wasp perhaps, which constantly stings him. Hasn’t yet worked out that he’s a moron with nothing to contribute to the world.

 

Mark Wonderpoop – the Old Kid on the Block – an insufferable Wokester, like those that feature in South Park and are addicted to inhaling their own farts. Makes immensely gaseous statements, showing no insight about the world whatsoever. Wholly delusional Woke dweeb.

 

Zack the Funky Man, the Funkmeister – millionaire and biggest donor to the Hyperian cult. The Money Man. Always follow the money.

 

Renaissance Fairy – totally away with the fairies. Says that Nietzsche is her favorite philosopher, which would cause Nietzsche to slit his wrists on the spot if he ever discovered such a thing. The absolute antithesis of Nietzsche. Symptomatic of those people who imagine they are one thing but are in fact the exact opposite. Hyperianism is full of this type.

 

Maria Seedling (so boring we’ve already fallen asleep), Kassidy Lynn Holtzman (WEIRD! – enough said), Kim Doesn’t Know What A Line Is (annually competing in the “Most Annoying Person In the World” pageant). And there are a bunch of others, too ghastly to mention … the Freak Show, the Weirdos, the Deplorables, the Degenerates.

 

Artemis Maenad said, “The hyperian women as strange as they already are, will turn into animated broken dolls in there. With broken twitchy eye lids… walking around parroting Corey quotes with creaky baby voices every time they pull each other’s strings in the back. … Most of them ARE broken minds/ broken dolls. Many of Corey’s most devout worshippers are former drug addicts. That piece of info was openly revealed in a livestream. Corey/Morgue is now their drug of choice. Corey Rebhahn is a predator of the most vulnerable.”

 

Loving that idea of the drug-addicted broken dolls with the strings waiting to be pulled, and then they just spout that crap that Fairy and Seedling keep coming out with.

 

There seems to be a broken doll assembly line somewhere – flesh plastic for Corey to twist the heads off, or push razor blades into their mouths. SAD!

 

You see, this material just writes itself when you slot these whacko characters in! No writer could by any act of the imagination have assembled such a cast of grotesques, of total failures and losers who all suffer from the same delusion that they are “hyperaware” “World Shapers”, altering reality, raising human consciousness, and establishing NEW TERRA. Even Jordan Peterson looks smart in comparison with these people when he tells everyone to clean up their rooms. Actually, the comedy would have to feature Peterson, Ben Shapiro and Matt Walsh as the conservative mirror image of the Hyperian loonies.

 

Seriously, this would win every comedy award for the next ten years. Someone will almost certainly write this and it will become the top Netflix show for sure. The show could even be set in a prison, where most of the cast will soon be located!

 

Come on FBI, do your fucking job and arrest these criminals! What are you waiting for? Do we literally need to spell it out for you?